And there's me.
You know what it feels like? Avatar. When Avatar first came out, I would sit and observe countless friends, family and acquaintances occupy their Facebook statuses and daily conversations with chatter about this supposedly epic flick. Truth be told, when I first saw the trailer for Avatar, I was just as excited as they were to see it.
But the circumstances of life set in, and before I knew it, I had never found any time to go and see Avatar. I missed it in IMAX, I missed it in the regular theater, I even missed it when it was rereleased in theaters for a short period of time because of bonus material added or something. Something strange was happening. Because I had to constantly put up with all of my friends and other loved ones ranting about Avatar, I think I started to get indignant about it. That's why by the time it came out on DVD, and my parents ordered it On Demand, I decided to pass. I resented Avatar, and all of those who enjoyed it...without me. I even tried sitting through it one time while it was still in the rental window On Demand, but it was too late. Everyone had effectively ruined Avatar for me.
That might seem entirely tangential, but trust me, that explanation is as fitting an allegory for my love life as any. Uh huh, that's right. My love life is like Avatar.
See the thing is, I am trapped on this awful stretch of highway called the twenty-somethings. I've graduated college, I've done that life-changing internship, and I'm (theoretically) doing what I love. So why do I so often feel the urge to take the next exit? I get these urges to bail out, to do something like get a marketing job in New York that pays enough to make life comfortable, or move back to Italy to teach English and reap the tranquility of that snail-paced European lifestyle. Instead, I continue along this road, plastered with billboards of those who are engaged, married, pregnant, or new parents. I still seem to be stuck--and all of these people are ruining Avatar for me.
And I pray about this all the time; "God," I say, "please give me some direction in life. Please guide me to where I need, and You want me to be." But I haven't reached my exit yet. I need to ride this road out through its course before God can lead me down another path. If I take the wrong exit out of haste, I might not end up at the destination He has intended for me. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses growing up. 2 Timothy 4:7 says, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." I just try and imagine how Paul must have felt when writing this at the end of his life. He looked back on a life filled with turmoil and great persecution, yet it was laced with such an overwhelming sense of purpose. Why? Because he fought back when he was assailed, he stayed on course when the terrain became treacherous, and most importantly, he made it out with his faith intact.
So even though I'm slightly embittered by the amount of weddings and baby showers that are going on around me, I have to remember that when I signed up to be a Christian, I was enlisting myself for a greater purpose. Weddings and babies will come in due time. And though I often feel alone in this city, I have to stay focused on the work at hand.
Besides, I haven't reached my exit yet.
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